Hey ya'll Hey!
So, can I be transparent? I really struggled with this. I really let people take advantage of my heart. I had to own up to that and it was a very hard realization to have. I couldn't believe that I was GIVING THEM PERMISSION to do it because I wasn't taking care of myself. I wasn't practicing what I preached!
I had recently moved and it was good for the most part. However, upon my move, I quickly learned that the novelty of me being there had faded away. It didn't fade because of time. It faded because I wasn't back as the same old T. I wasn't the same Tahkyra who was always ready to appease and give everyone what they wanted.
I was asked to do something and I said NO. No explanation. Just no. The guilt trip I went on was a nonstop flight. I was angry. The truth was that I was pissed because of how I was being treated for saying NO. So I jumped out of the plane, pulled my parachute, and landed safely back into my character.
I wasn't going to allow this incident to change all of the hard work of my transformation. However, it caused me to reflect on other instances where I was treated this way. I thought, there has to be something to why people are so angry with my NO. I thought about other instances I was made to feel guilty and upset for asserting myself, speaking my mind, telling how someone else's actions affected me, or even being honest!
I realized over the course of my life, that I had given people permission to treat me poorly because I treated myself poorly. I didn't take care of myself. I didn't set boundaries. I overextended myself. I gave others permission to do this because I TAUGHT THEM THAT IT WAS OK! I taught them through my own self-neglect that they could depend on me to make them happy and appease their desires.
I realized that people depended on me neglecting me because I communicated too much availability, mismanaged emotional capacity, and poor boundaries through my actions! I was quick to say yes, even if it was too much for me to handle. I was overwhelmed, burned out, tired, suicidal at times, and simply withdrawn. I stuffed all of that down, pushed it to the side, and neglected myself in order to take care of others. And they depended on that. I was my own enabler of poor self-care!
There's an old saying "You teach people how to treat you". And it is absolutely true.
I reflected on what I had learned in my transformational experience that allowed me to show up FOR MYSELF the same way I showed up for them.
Learn what you like and don't like.
Understand the power of your voice. Your emotions are just as important as your thoughts!
Understand the power of your choice! Your actions are just as important as your thoughts and emotions!
You are valuable! You are enough! You are...
If you set the boundary, keep the boundary.
You can't expect others to keep YOUR boundary! It's yours!
Take accountability for yourself appropriately and respectfully!
Honor your time. It's an investment as much as your money is.
Self-care is a lifestyle. It's not a one-time event that happens cause I'm stressed. It's best to be proactive instead of reactive.
Don't be afraid to ask questions to better inform your decision.
Now. these are in no specific order, but they are the top 10 lessons I learned in restructuring how I give permission to treat me! I showed up for myself UNAPOLOGETICALLY. It's not my business what anyone thinks about me. It's my business how I treat myself and others!
I learned the value of not feeling remorse for showing up for myself. I show up AS me because I learned how to show up FOR me.
Truthfully, that freed me from a lot of one-sided nonreciprocal relationships. As I realized that it's a journey of evolution and growth, I realized I'm not broken! I was just out of alignment with the truth. I was never broken. I had to stop treating, identifying, and aligning myself as a broken woman who didn't deserve to take care of herself.
I did the work to overcome my trauma, abuse, and pain. I changed my thinking. I respected my thoughts and emotions, even if they felt extreme at times. I gave myself permission to breathe, to exist, to take up space in the world as the beautiful woman I am!
Treating me differently involved me doing these things! I saw the blessings of reciprocal and healthy relationships because I had a healthy relationship with MYSELF!
The relationship you have with yourself is everything. Treat yourself. Don't trick yourself out of your best life because of unresolved pain. The interesting thing is that you already believe you are deserving of something. You might as well shift your power to believe that you deserve to be treated well-even when it's coming from you!
Remember, Live Your truth and not your trauma!
If you want more information on how to work with Coach Tahkyra TK Terrell and other products on self-care, visit www.mindingmyvisionllc.com. Check out the free burnout checklist when you subscribe!