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Hey ya'll Hey!

So, can I be transparent? I really struggled with this. I really let people take advantage of my heart. I had to own up to that and it was a very hard realization to have. I couldn't believe that I was GIVING THEM PERMISSION to do it because I wasn't taking care of myself. I wasn't practicing what I preached!

Story Time:

I had recently moved and it was good for the most part. However, upon my move, I quickly learned that the novelty of me being there had faded away. It didn't fade because of time. It faded because I wasn't back as the same old T. I wasn't the same Tahkyra who was always ready to appease and give everyone what they wanted.

I was asked to do something and I said NO. No explanation. Just no. The guilt trip I went on was a nonstop flight. I was angry. The truth was that I was pissed because of how I was being treated for saying NO. So I jumped out of the plane, pulled my parachute, and landed safely back into my character.

I wasn't going to allow this incident to change all of the hard work of my transformation. However, it caused me to reflect on other instances where I was treated this way. I thought, there has to be something to why people are so angry with my NO. I thought about other instances I was made to feel guilty and upset for asserting myself, speaking my mind, telling how someone else's actions affected me, or even being honest!

I realized over the course of my life, that I had given people permission to treat me poorly because I treated myself poorly. I didn't take care of myself. I didn't set boundaries. I overextended myself. I gave others permission to do this because I TAUGHT THEM THAT IT WAS OK! I taught them through my own self-neglect that they could depend on me to make them happy and appease their desires.

I realized that people depended on me neglecting me because I communicated too much availability, mismanaged emotional capacity, and poor boundaries through my actions! I was quick to say yes, even if it was too much for me to handle. I was overwhelmed, burned out, tired, suicidal at times, and simply withdrawn. I stuffed all of that down, pushed it to the side, and neglected myself in order to take care of others. And they depended on that. I was my own enabler of poor self-care!

There's an old saying "You teach people how to treat you". And it is absolutely true.

I reflected on what I had learned in my transformational experience that allowed me to show up FOR MYSELF the same way I showed up for them.

  1. Learn what you like and don't like.

  2. Understand the power of your voice. Your emotions are just as important as your thoughts!

  3. Understand the power of your choice! Your actions are just as important as your thoughts and emotions!

  4. You are valuable! You are enough! You are...

  5. If you set the boundary, keep the boundary.

  6. You can't expect others to keep YOUR boundary! It's yours!

  7. Take accountability for yourself appropriately and respectfully!

  8. Honor your time. It's an investment as much as your money is.

  9. Self-care is a lifestyle. It's not a one-time event that happens cause I'm stressed. It's best to be proactive instead of